Infidelity. What a scary word. When one thinks of a cheating spouse, one usually thinks of a movie or someone else - rarely do we consider infidelity occurring in our own home. Until the day you suspect you are living with a cheater.
At first, the fear of an affair is a tiny "blip" on your internal radar. His comings and goings raise your awareness. Perhaps one too many phone calls at strange hours or an unexplained happiness in your partner make you wonder. Most betrayed spouses can, in hindsight, pinpoint the moment when the possibility of infidelity became a very real probability in their life. No two cheating spouses are the same, but most unfaithful spouses have some dirty things in common.
These same characteristics are also the key to your sanity as you can watch for them in your spouse, and then empower yourself to take the action you need. Cheating spouses actually don't like to lie to you - that is, they struggle with the dishonesty in the beginning. Over time, the guilt subsides, and lying to you becomes a necessary evil and a matter of survival. If your spouse is suddenly acting guilty around you, realize you may have caught him/her at the start of an affair. Unfaithful spouses are the some of the most stressed-out human beings you may ever come into contact with. The stress of lying, keeping up two dishonest lives, keeping all the lies in order, and trying to keep two partners content can be extremely over-whelming.
While a new affair is not as stressful as one that has been on-going, most unfaithful spouses sub-consciously wish they would get caught so it will all just stop. Cheaters need modern technology to keep their affair alive and well. Email and cell phones make infidelity much easier to maintain - they also make infidelity much easier to begin in the first place. If you suspect adultery in your relationship, start by going through all email and cell phone accounts.
Any questionable email addresses or cell phone numbers should be traced right away. Not all cheating spouses are bad people. Affairs actually can happen to good people.
Yes, an affair can even happen to a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being tagged a bad person due to a lapse in moral judgment keeps most unfaithful spouses in hiding. If an affair is confirmed in your relationship, remember one thing. The next steps, actions and efforts are about you, the betrayed spouse.
Do not waste your energy dwelling on the other woman (or man), do not waste your energy on the guilty spouse. You have just had a traumatic experience happen that will center around trust. The misconception is that healing from an affair involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this is on the list of future things to deal with, it is not your immediate concern. Your first concern will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again. Cheating spouses tend to thrive off of the self-doubt betrayed spouses inflict upon themselves.
The desire to trust is stronger than the desire to find out someone you are with is not trust-worthy. When infidelity is confirmed, the first victim of trust-issues is the betrayed spouses. Take time out for yourself and heal yourself before you attempt any other changes in your life.
Visit YourCheatedHeart.com for more infidelity resources and a confidential cell phone number trace service.
